I sometimes think to myself. Did I make the right choices in life?  Was it always going to be this hard to keep secrets and to manipulate others. Hmm....I shouldn't play with fire but I just had my best intentions.  Ahhh....I remember saying this to myself.  "Sometimes giving candy to a baby just because it's cute doesn't mean it will be happy."

Practice what you preach and the preaching will practice by itself.  Yeah..didn't make much sense to me at first but I think I get its concept.  It's going to be 1 year since I've come back from the UK. 

Have I achieved a lot?

Have I driven out all my demons from the past? 

Am I a better person? 

Will I be a better person? 

Will I survive next year and hopefully find someone to be with? 

Will I ever be happy?

Will I ever have the courage to say "I Love You" once again?  Or will I even fall in love next year?  

Have I proven to myself that I'm a man and that I know how to take care of myself?  Take care of others?

Will I still continue with my ideals of "treat everyone equally, but treat women like diamonds?"

Will I be able to make new friends? 

Am I still charming? Was I ever charming?  Can I be charming?

What do others think of me?  Am I a jerk? A fool? A prince? A dog? Maybe even a two faced bastard.

Can I smile the next morning even after betraying all that I've worked for? 

Trust me...I have 1000 more questions like this running through my head.

But for now, I think i'll just settle with this.  My insecurities. I have too many of them.  I think I have trailed of the road to my destiny. I wonder how will I ever get back on it again. Oh God, please help me in my time of need. Bless me with your Holy Spirit and please protect all that I cherish and all that I will cherish.  Amen.