Today, I had such a heavy heart.  Nothing could make me happy today. It was difficult even to smile and

be cheerful. I know that type of lonliness that surrounds your body and mind.  I do my best to make

your day worth living for. Yet once again I am defeated by others who can pick you off your feet

and make you laugh. Are we really a match? Or are we just surviving the times?

 

 

"its never too late to find true love, for time ages love perfectly"

Should I believe what you say to me or what you say to your friends?  Its hard to tell because each is a different story.  Is what you say to me just to make me feel happy and secure?  Sigh.....difficult to understand the mind of a women and her heart especially when its so fluttering.

I understand now my fate in life.  I can never truly experience the ever so wonderful feeling of happiness.  The things I wanted and the things I wanted to share.  My feelings, my thoughts, my life, my experiences.....i cannot show it to you in a full manner. Its not because I don't want to, but because I have never shared anything with anyone before.  Not even my darkest secrets are known, even to my best of friends. If you were to put it out in a percentage....people only know me about 40%.  Im so sorry....but I really have lived a lonely life and I am a loner. I enjoy doing things alone because most of my entired life I have had to struggle alone and I had to get back on my own two feet alone. 

 

Have a little patience....

Thank for that wonderful night. You really made me happy and my heart for once was at peace heheh even though it was only for a few hours. Its great to have people care about you but don't forget that I will take care of you as well.  Thats what friends are for and maybe more. 

 

Remember to be good and to all my friends out there I'll be seeing you in the near distant future and hopefullly we'll be big people by then doing great things.

 

 

To Sze May :   MUAKS!!

 

To Tracy     :  Remember to makan tahi!! heheh no but i'll miss you so much and I"ll always remember to be good and one day give you a

                     foot massage. kekek  Hopefully you'll make it out of this country and be happy.

 

To Alice      :  Wei.....have you found a nice balcony yet? COme On!!  I'm leaving soon, I need to throw you out of one sooner or later right?

                     heheh remember to work real hard and DON"T BE SO LAZY!! PIG!! Muaks

 

To Jane      :  My sister!! Donkey though we share the same birthday....really.....you scold me too much! But love you still the same k?

 

To myself   :  DO you realize that all the names here are all girls?  Thats kinda weird....hmmm

 

 

To SHTM     :  Well....thanks for everything really!  Though I learned some valuable skills and lessons time to move on right?  See you soon.

 

To Sandra   :  God is always with you.  Remember whatever task that is given upon you is either by him or by the devil.  Just smile and

                     accept it.  Because we all know that you never leave anything unfinished.

 

To Tracy 2   :  I know that you are still upsy daisy about me.  If you were a good girl i would reconsider but since your not then I really

                     don't know what to say.  You have to be honest about yourself and what you really think is best for yourself and not for

                     others.  Its okay to be selfish once in a while if you deserve it.  You'll have a special place with me no need to worry ya?

 

To Everyone

In Malaysia  :  YOu guys have been great....really great.  You were so friendly towards me and accepted me for who I am and it has been

                       a wonderful experience for me.  Thank you so much and hopefully i'll be seeing you guys soon.  Bon Voyage!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love.  Its a binding of two individuals who are willing to do their best in any situation to make their significant other just plain happy.

 

With love comes many responsibilities. There are sacrifices to be made.  Deadlines to be met. And most importantly struggles that are taken.

 

To love someone. It takes alot of courage and determination to love someone.  WHen you love someone you have this "drive" this "energy" to fulfill the wants and needs of each other.  Its called passion.

 

Everybody has hobbies.  Painting, reading, exploring, they are all passions in life.  It goes with the same in loving someone.  What happens when that passion dissapears?

 

Theres no point in painting anymore, theres no point in reading anymore, theres no point in exploring. No point in loving that other person. Just another book thrown into the rubbish bin that you have lost interest in.  Ofcourse it is not so simple when you are together.

 

It is much worse.  You endure it. Everyday pretending to put on a smile. Every kiss is half committed.  Every hug is half hearted. Every "I love you's" are said just as a routine and not meant honestly.

 

There are ofcourse other aspects of love that make a relationship work.  But what i find is that PASSION is the most important to me.  It was PASSION that made me last until now.  Everyday I motivated myself and was happy to do so to make things work out and believe that in the future I will get what I wanted.

 

Passion to do things.  Passion to make things work.  Passion to make the best out of people.

 

Love = 2 People  +  Passion  X  Romance

 

However, when...

 

 

Love = 2 People  -  Passion  X Romance

        = 2 People  X Romance

        = 2 People....in the long run

 

 

 

I take a look back at all those years where I tried so hard to make it right.  I did get some things right in the end.  But it just seems that Ryan can't make it still.  He's still a little boy in the end wondering what is to become of him.    

Silent tears fell from my eyes last night.  I really can't do this anymore.  I try to put up a face of hope and encouragement, but the heart always twists in sorrow. Im going off soon and now I get these stupid pangs of regret.  What the hell is happening to me?

I was browsing through my friendster and I found out that this girl viewed my profile.  Curious, I clicked on her picture and found out many interesting things about her.  She dated someone that was not of her race and color. She described the relationship as ying and yang.  Sometimes it was complete bliss and heaven and yet other times it was difficult because of each others differences.  They were together for 2 years and when the seperation occured it was one of the biggest shocks for her. She thought that she did everything right and that it wasn't her fault. When they both met for the last time, she asked him why they seperated, he replied in saying this : " Do you know what my favorite types of books are?" "Do you know what my favorite cake is?"  "Do you know why i like the rain?"

 

These questions shocked her....for being together for nearly two years, she didn't know any of those answers. He complained that he did his best to help her and make her happy...but in the end she forgot about him even though she still considered him her boyfriend.  She never thought about what made him happy, what effort was made to make him smile, it all ended up being her paradise and his nightmare. 

 

The freedom given was taken for granted, the love given was taken for granted, and most of all the person's heart given was taken for granted. It takes two hands to clap, it takes two hands to keep warm.

 

What it this is whats happening to me?  Am I having this type of crisis? Sigh....

Yesterday morning I realised how blind and utterly self centered you have become.  I made me realize that you only thought about your happiness and your friends, but where did I fall in?  You never even bothered to ask about how I felt, or even If i have any doubts or misunderstandings? Your explanations were true from the heart but its a stab at mine.  For you to have this type of reaction towards others disrespects me and my emotions that I have for you. How do you expect me to love when your actions show that I am totally out of your mind when you have your likings? Very confused now....where do I go from here?

 

 

 

Seems like everytime I meet up,

 

There has to be something "wrong" with what I do,

 

Not only that but you detest me in the most casual way possible,

 

je suis en embarrasment pour toi?

 

It takes you forever to apologize for something that was definitely your fault,

 

sigh....why oh why are you so stubborn.

 

You can listen to other people's reasons but never mine